Chosen

It's been a while, but today my thoughts are just overwhelming and my need to share is evident. God has been working on my heart for months now. He has provided me freedom and security in Him; something I have searched for endlessly until recently. There is something so incredibly powerful about the moment you finally realize that you truly are a daughter of the King; when it finally clicks that your hope and security in life is only found in Christ.

I have spent the last six months diving into books and blogs and ultimately searching the Bible for that freedom; searching for the confidence that God promises. Isaiah 32:17 says "The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." By pursing righteousness, we have confidence in Christ. He is our security. As a woman, this is something precious and valuable to come across; the very thing that a woman spends ample time searching for. Being a young woman in a world that is defeating takes boldness and courage and above all the love of Jesus. This idea that women are never good enough has been on my heart lately. We've all been there; consistently seeking something that will make us feel loved and adored to simply find that those earthly things don't usually last long. I'm learning that it's my heart and God's love through me that matters.  I'm learning that I am chosen, therefore ultimately giving me the reassurance of who I am.

 1 Peter 2: 9 says "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." What an incredible testimony to God's love for us. He chose us and we are now apart of His royal priesthood. He called us out of darkness and into light. Wow.  I have spent years trying to figure out who I am. Through God's mercy and grace, I am His. Believing that Jesus loves to love me grants me a precious gift, the blessing of a settled identity. My identity is in Christ and nothing else.

Love is Patient...

Today is a day that many people will always remember. Three years ago, tragedy struck as we all heard the news of an accident that would forever change our lives. I remember exactly where I was and how I felt when I heard what was going on. I remember my heart racing and that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. I remember trying to find words to speak as I quickly realized the lives of beautiful families and so many friends were changing right before my eyes and there was nothing we could do. Today as I remember these things along with many others; things that are sad and unfair, I am also feeled with a joy that took me these three years to discover.

Today as I remember my friend all I can do is smile. Emily was the most beautiful person inside and out. Growing up with her was like watching something amazing unfold right before your eyes. She was the girl who always had something funny to say; she made you laugh with a true joy that filled rooms. Her heart was big and she had no problems being the friend that anyone needed. I remember as a young girl looking at her and wishing I could be more like her. She was the girl with the perfect hair and the trendiest clothes; the girl other girls looked at and felt compelled to be a better version of themselves. I learned the value of friendship through Emily. I learned that growing up is about something more than getting older. The way Emily loved will always be with me. Her joy for life and love for those she cared most for will always be the way I remember her.

The anniversary of that day and the days that followed will come every year and for those who loved her and Justin, it will always be a reminder of the tears and hurt we all felt. But I'm beginning to realize what a sweet memory it has left in my heart. I am so blessed to have spent those years with Emily. She really was a precious person and I believe that God knew that better than any of us. Emily was always the leader, the one who always got the cutest boys and had the best grades. She always came out ahead of everyone else in all aspects of life. And yet here she is again..meeting the Lord before any of us. All I can do is laugh to myself knowing that she beat us again. Emily was fearless and free and her life is a testament to what life is supposed to be like.

I have been a church girl my whole life and I have heard that "Love is patient" ever since I was young. But Emily made that real in so many peoples' lives. Over the past few years, I have learned along side her family and her beautiful friends that love is patient. This life in this world is so hard sometimes. Sometimes I don't feel like loving, but Emily's faithfulness to sharing her love with others has shown me what love really means. No matter what happens in this life, through good times and bad times, we are called to love others. Love requires patience even when life is difficult.

 Emily and Justin will always be remembered. Those who loved them will never forget them and the love they left behind. They will always be beautiful together and forever young and for that small detail, I will be thankful. I'm a better person today because of the legacy Emily left behind and because of the friend she was to me and so many others. Thanks Em for being you, always :)

Bonita..

I have realized since coming home from my recent trip to Colombia that nothing in this world makes me happier than wrapping my arms around a child who has never felt loved before. The mere experience of lifting a child into my lap and passionately loving that child for the small five minutes in my life means everything to me. On my trip I held a lot of children, kissed many foreheads and made a lot of funny faces. In the midst of the opportunities God set before me, I quickly realized that I would give up everything I knew and loved just to hold a precious child of God; just to see a smile that only the love of Jesus could possess.

One day my team was at a preschool in Bogota doing a VBS with the children there. During craft time I spotted a little girl in the back corner all by herself. I quickly made my way to where she was sitting and sat next to her. I hardly know any spanish but I knew one word that I felt she needed to hear. I smiled at her and simply said "Bonita." Instantly a huge smile swept across her face and I just hugged her. My teammate Adrianna was near by and I asked her to ask the girl if she would like to take a picture. The little girl smiled and my heart was overwhelemed with joy immediately. I continued to sit next to her until it was time to go. We both sat, unable to communicate but silently enjoying the presence of God's timing and love which had no language barrier. Later, Adrianna told me that she had tried talking to the little girl but was unable to crack a single smile. I looked back at the little girl as we left and was filled with thankfulness. I was thankful for her life. I was thankful that God opened my eyes to a little girl who needed to know she was beautiful in God's eyes. I was so thankful for the blessing she immediately became in my life that morning. My heart was bursting with gratitude and happiness.

God did so many amazing things in Colombia that week. I will never forget the people I encountered. I will never forget the moment when I looked around and my heart broke for Colombia. I will never forget my team of joyful, passionate prayer warriors; people I know without a doubt in my mind were meant to be on that trip. I will never forget their stories and their faithfulness to tell their stories. In one week I learned that God gives each one of us a story and it's up to us to deicide whether to hide our stories or to shout them from the mountian tops. We are not called to be ashamed of our experiences in life but to use them to glorify the Lord; to use them to help someone else in the battle called life.

Colombia left a footprint on my heart; one that will always be there. Everytime I begin preparing for one of my trips, I wonder how I will squeeze anymore countries; anymore beautiful people into my heart. I recently realized that every time I'm called somewhere new God just makes my heart a little bit bigger. There will always be room in my heart for just one more child God chooses to place in my life. There will always be room for one more country that needs the hope and love of my Jesus.

A heart for Jesus..

My life has been crazy lately..as you can tell I have had little time for my precious blog. Between nursing school (which is the toughest, most stressful, most rewarding thing I've ever experienced thus far), getting ready for my trip to Colombia coming up shortly and dealing with everyday life, my time has been stretched far and wide. But today I felt the urge to update my few readers on my what's been going on in my crazy head lately.

I've been spending time on Monday nights with a group of girls discussing and diving into the word of God. We have been learning how to be better servant leaders in our church and in our everyday lives. I have loved spending time with the Lord and getting to know what He says about being a servant. I have learned that I must completely put myself aside and ask for opportunities to serve others. For the last few weeks I have woken up on Thursday mornings (this is my hospital day) and fervently prayed that God would give me an opportunity to serve someone else throughout the day. All I can say, is if you ask God to give you opportunities to serve, He certainly will. I have been stretched already to step outside of my comfort zone to serve someone else and the feeling is amazing. My heart is to serve the world and I am learning what that takes. I am learning what it means to have a true servant heart.

Over the past few weeks my desires have began to evolve into new desires. I feel my heart beginning to change and it is so exciting. I have always known that I loved Jesus, but lately I have learned that there is a difference in loving Jesus and being in love with Him. I am learning that I can't truly give my heart to another human being until I fall ultimately head over heels in love with my savior. My prayer over the last few weeks is that God would show me how to fall in love with Him; that He would fill my heart with so much love for Him. I want my priorities to reflect my relationship with Jesus. I want to spend time talking with Jesus. I want my thoughts to be consumed with Jesus. I want to love Him above all else. My desire is to fall in love with the one who loves me unconditionally.

I hope that I can be who God wants me to be. I pray everyday that God will continue to help me grow deeper in my walk with Him and that my light will shine all around me to bring Him glory. My hope and prayer is that God will shape me into the woman He desires me to be. Over the last few weeks, I have learned a lot about my character and what I want that to be. I have had to make hard decisions and take on uncomfortable situations, but I find myself thankful that Jesus is by my side directing me towards His plan for my life. I would rather follow Jesus and His calling on my life then be found in the middle of a life that is only of this world.

New Desires..

I am currently reading "Kisses from Katie" by Katie Davis. This book is awesome and so inspirational. Over the past week, I have spent my evenings in my bed smiling and crying and longing to read more. This book has made my evenings wonderful and my mornings harder lately. Through Katie's story, I have found myself with a whole new prayer. Katie is a girl who had everything but left it all to set out on a journey of faith, love and courage. Her trust and perseverance has inspired me. Her love for people has left me with a longing to love as well.
I have been struggling over the past few months with a calling I feel has been laid on my heart. My heart is in Haiti and I want nothing more than to be planning a trip back so that I can run to the people who have my heart and embrace them with God's love. But God has called me somewhere else. Colombia. When this occurred to me I was very hesitant. I was worried about so many things and needed confirmation (how's that for being human.) Well after tons of prayer and this book, I signed up for the trip. And God didn't stop there. I will also be going on a trip to Guatemala later on this year. (Sometimes I think God has a little bit of a sense of humor...I struggled with saying yes once so He made me say yes twice!) For a long time I was so caught up in school and getting into the nursing program and everyday life, that I feel I began to forget why I'm even going to school. God called me years ago to give my love and skills to those who need them most. So here I am taking on another adventure because my God said so. 
In Katie's book she talks about her favorite verse (conveniently my favorite verse as well). Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." She then goes on the explain that "it is not about God making my dreams come true but about God changing my dreams into His dreams for my life. By doing what He asks of me and by saying yes to the needs He places in front of me, He is changing the desires of my heart and aligning them with the desires of His heart." She opened my eyes to a whole new way of looking at this verse. This verse all of a sudden became something that meant more to me than it had before. I have known my purpose was missions for a long time but after reading this my thoughts began to change drastically. I know what I expect to happen for my life..the typical get married, have a career, have children and be very successful. This has been my plan for years. All of a sudden, through Katie's testimony, I have realized that my plans may not be God's plans for my life. If I say yes to the things that God asks of me, my desires will fit His desires. If I go and do what He calls me to do, then my desires will fit His desires. I want nothing more than to find myself in the very center of God's will doing exactly what He asks of me with mountain moving faith. I could continue to want the "American Dream" but all of a sudden I find myself dreaming of a life that stretches me everyday; that makes me rely only on my Jesus.

This is Katie's Blog :)

Day After Day...

  
A song has been on my mind lately. The song titled "Day After Day" has been the first song I turn on when I get in my car for several weeks now. After spending a lot of time worrying and stressing about things in my life that I cannot change, this song spoke straight to my heart. I can't even describe the awe I am left in when God comes in and practically punches me in the gut! And even then I am astonished at how He KNOWS us more than we know ourselves. When life is fighting me on things that are out of my reach..the past, people, the future..God knows. I am embarrassed that sometimes I loose sight of the fact that God ultimately carries our burdens and our troubles if we would just let Him! This song reminds me that my God loves me and He knows my future and I have confidence and faith in Him. I am overwhelmed with joy and comfort knowing that He is taking care of me. Whatever life decisions I am facing, whatever past I am dealing with, whatever disappointment, achievement or excitement, my God is there holding my hand and walking me through it all. I don't know about you but I'd chose Him any day.

Haiti has my Heart....

Haiti has been on my mind today. Where do I even begin to talk about something that is so close and dear to my heart. I left my heart in Haiti almost two years ago. I adore the Haitian people more than I could ever even begin to explain to someone who has never spent a day in the life of "Haiti."

I signed up for a trip to Haiti a few months after the earthquake hit in 2010. I was determined to flee from my comfort zone and help someone else in need. When I got to Haiti it was like a whole other world. It looks absolutely nothing like America. Although an earthquake hit and devastated the city, I had never seen such a beautiful piece of land. It's a place where you can look one way and see an ocean and the other direction; beautiful mountains. I had instantly given away my heart. After a day or so I found myself in bed and at the doctor's office for the remainder of the trip. I felt I had missed this amazing opportunity to love on these people and was crushed.

 I was determined to go back. This past May I boarded a plane ready to face my fears of illness and disappointment. My goal was to love a child and I can not begin to describe the overwhelming joy it is to love a Haitian child. The struggles of life hit these children hard but they get back up the next morning ready to tackle another day with smiles on their faces. They are more than an inspiration; they are what I strive everyday to be like.

Haiti has my heart and it will forever. I think about the joy I have when I am in the midst of heat and giant spiders and more than anything the arms of a Haitian child and am overwhelmed with happiness. I thank God everyday for the time he gave me in Haiti to learn and grow and find something most people in life will never find. I found my passion. A passion for children who have nothing yet love life. A passion for people who live each day in struggle but continue to overcome. Haiti is beautiful and beyond anything I ever expected. Haiti changed my life and someday when I embrace the role of mom for a young Haitian child I will forever be thankful for Haiti.